For Those in the “Tunnel”

I was talking to my grief counselor today about my frustration with some of the bigger grief support blogs.  I had been looking into submitting some of my writing to one of them, but, in the description of the type of articles they are looking for, it seemed like they wanted articles that show the “light at the end of the tunnel”.  Those stories do inspire people during difficult times.  However, what about the people who are still “in the tunnel”?  Those people need to know that the “tunnel” or “darkness” is part of the journey.  There is no skipping to the “light”.  That “tunnel” is a large part the grieving process.  It is in the thorough allowing of the grieving process that true healing occurs.

When you’re in the “tunnel”, you may feel like you’re going crazy.  You may feel extreme, overwhelming sadness, depression, confusion, paranoia, and a million other emotions.  You need to know that all of that is normal.  You need to know that support exists and how to get support.

I read last week that, “Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.”  Knowing the severity of the pain a parent expriences upon the death of a child, it is a priority to provide parents with resources to help them cope.

I work so hard every day to fight depression.  I search for every last bit of strength I can muster.  It frightens me to think that one day I might not have enough strength to fight this pain.  What if the pain becomes too much to bear?  If it does, then I need to have resources ready to help me.

People who commit suicide usually don’t want to die.  They just don’t know how to live with their pain.  That’s why it’s important to provide these people, often struggling to survive in the darkest “tunnel”, with resources.

If you or someone you know needs help coping, please call:

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 (TTY:1-800-799-4TTY) or

Teenagers can call Covenant House NineLine at 1-800-999-9999.


Yes, many parents have found “light at the end of the tunnel”.  Yet, many have never made it to the “light”.  I want you to know that you are not alone in the darkness.

I wish I could reach the “light” faster, but I have to work through the “tunnel” and all the emotions that come along with the journey.  I trust God.  I know I can get there, and it helps to know there are resources to help me if I feel too overwhelmed to help myself.



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